This morning I was drawn to using this coffee cup for my morning coffee. If you’ve come to any of my classes or meetings where I offer tea you may have seen some of my mugs. I am a firm believer in choosing my morning coffee cups carefully. They are, indeed, the way I begin my day. Starting my day on a positive note is an important responsibility I have to myself as well as everyone else that I affect consciously, subconsciously and energetically along my daily journey.
The saying “Joy springs from a grateful heart,” on the mug, got me thinking. First, I thought of spring. Just choosing the mug reminded me that indeed spring…warm weather, sunshine, long walks, eating outside, is coming. The idea was incredibly reassuring this morning. Winter is long and hard for me.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a well known and written about disorder that causes the sufferer depression and anxiety during the months where darkness dominates the day and sunlight is fleeting. I remember as a child feeling like I was walking through mud beginning in November, my body heavy and my emotions negative. My mind grew darker and darker in thoughts as the winter months ticked on. I didn’t know then what I know now, that I suffered with SAD.
But SAD is only one cause of depression, there are many. Often it’s a combination of things that cause depression. I have been a life-long victim of it, depression sometimes creeping up on me from behind and tackling me to the ground. Other times it just hovers above me like a menacing cloud. Not only am I affected by SAD but I am also affected by the food I consume, the abrupt changes in weather, the energy of people around me and unknown chemical imbalances that remain mysterious to me.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because maybe you too suffer with depression and my story maybe can help you.
According to www.dbsalliance.org Major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older, in a given year. (Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005 Jun; 62(6): 617-27 While major depressive disorder can develop at any age, the median age at onset is 2005) Major depressive disorder is more prevalent in women than in men. (Journal of the American Medical Association, 2003; Jun 18; 289(23): 3095-105)
For my entire adult life I have worked really, really hard to manage my depression. When I say, “manage” I have learned that as much as I wish to “overcome” it I don’t really know how possible that is. There are many times I “overcome” it for periods of time but it does creep up and life has taught me to be mindful of it’s sneakiness and proactive at all times.
Everyday, regardless of how I feel emotionally, I try and be mindful of what I put in my mouth, what I think, what I say and what I do. I try and live in the now and be conscious of my actions and reactions. When something bad happens, which it does, I try and learn something positive from it. I make a point every day to give to others because as much as I give to others I get something in return. I surround myself with positive things, like my mugs and positive people as much as possible.
The past couple of months I could feel that annoying, familiar and dreadful depression coming on. I was fostering two dogs that were beyond challenging. (I foster many, many dogs throughout the years and let me tell you they were in a league of their own.) I believe that was the tipping point to depression. Adding to that it was a long, dark winter, as usual and nearing the end of it I felt like I was walking around in mucky darkness. I craved sweets and salty things and wanted to sleep a lot. I questioned people’s motives towards me and had some stinkin’ thinkin’.
Having come a long way in battling depression I caught it early and stepped up my game. Like a marathoner training for a triathlon, I began journaling. I increased my daily meditations and reading of inspirational books. I spent time with close friends and made sure I got to the club to do weight training. I went to the mall early in the morning and walked. I exercised daily. I pushed and pushed at the mud I felt stuck in and eventually it became easier to walk.
Last week I found myself laughing again. Yes, laughing. It was a sure sign that the depression was going away for the time being. I had battled it and had won. That’s the thing about depression. You need to fight against it so you can be your best for you, for everyone else you love, as well as those people you encounter in your daily life. We all affect each other more than we even know. I believe it’s our responsibility to be the best we can be so that we can always be the best for the world.
One last thought I’ll leave with you this morning. Through every hardship in our lives…for me depression is one of them, we can learn to have a deeper appreciation for life. If we did not know those hardships we could not know the beauty of the opposite of what struggles we face. When I laughed out loud numerous times yesterday it cleansed me with a joy that lifted me up in a way only knowing the opposite of joy can do. With that knowing I felt the wash of gratitude for all I experience in life fill up my spirit completely.
Enjoy your day!
Sandy Kamen Wisniewski
p.s. Join us tonight for our Monday night meditation from 7-8 in Libertyville. You can learn more on my web site at www.mindfulspirit.net.